Hardwired to React? How to move beyond a reactive spirituality

If you head over to this page on the Ocean Church website, you’ll find a short quiz—about ten questions—before you can join our WhatsApp group. It’s partly so we can get to know you a little better. But it’s also because we want you to take a moment to think about your spirituality. How you’ve grown (or haven’t), what you’ve chosen to keep or let go of, and how you feel religion interacts with your inner life. One question that fascinates me in particular is a simple one:

Are you proactive or reactive in your spiritual journey?

So far, no one who has taken the quiz has said they’re proactive. Not a single person. I find this fascinating. Some, like me, would argue that the Christian faith, in its organized form, is deeply tied to one’s spiritual walk, and yet even then, we say we’re not proactive about it. The quiz has been taken by people who regularly attend yoga retreats, wellbeing events, people who pray and even those who are part of consistent faith communities.

Now, I understand the limitations of the question. What does it really mean to be proactive or reactive? Maybe you were actively seeking answers last week, last year, or during a significant life event, like the loss of a loved one or at certain times of the year when reflection feels natural.

But even so… why aren’t we more proactive? Is spirituality just not that important? Is it something we consider an “extra,” something to grasp only when it’s convenient or when life forces it upon us? Do we experience moments of deep spiritual connection but let them fade without chasing after more?

These are the kinds of questions that challenge us to dig deeper. Because if spirituality is truly central to who we are, why are so many of us living reactively rather than with intention?

Reactive Spirituality: Drifting Through the Currents

The word reactive has latin origins. Re is “back” or “again” and Agere means “to do” or “to act”. So when you put them together you have “to do again” or “acting back”. There are a couple of easy implications to see here. Firstly, if you have a reactive spirituality, your soul is simply responding to something that has already happened rather than preparing for something which has not. Secondly, if you are reactive then you need something outside of yourself to help nurture your soul as opposed to having the internal resources to initiate it yourself. 

So what are we waiting for? Do we pray when trouble comes, or when we are grieving or in need? Do we talk about God when something complex or paradoxical has come our way? Do we need to come to the end of ourselves before we admit we need some other resource?

It’s not that reactive spirituality is inherently bad—it’s human. We all respond to life’s pressures in this way sometimes. In fact, research by Tearfund shows that 51% of UK adults pray, with 20% of non-religious Britons admitting they turn to prayer in moments of personal crisis. This highlights how, for many, spirituality becomes more relevant during life’s storms than in calmer times​.

Interestingly, this pattern isn’t limited to those who are unaffiliated with faith communities. Even within organised religious settings, many people in the UK experience a reactive relationship with their spirituality. During the COVID-19 pandemic, Tearfund found that a third of UK adults (33%) prayed, and 24% engaged with religious services online—especially younger adults aged 18–34. This surge in spiritual activity during the lockdown reveals how spirituality often acts as a coping mechanism in response to crisis, rather than an ongoing practice.

This reactive approach leaves many feeling ungrounded and spiritually disconnected. Life happens to us, and spirituality becomes an occasional response rather than a continuous relationship. A significant proportion of those surveyed admitted that they pray when facing a personal crisis, such as family illness or uncertainty​. These moments of reactive spirituality might bring temporary comfort, but they don’t offer the lasting depth that comes with a proactive spiritual practice.

Why is this the case? Perhaps it’s because many of us view spirituality as an “extra,” something we turn to when we need comfort or direction, but not integrated into our everyday lives. We react to spiritual moments instead of actively seeking them out. In doing so, we miss the opportunity to build a spiritual foundation that isn’t easily shaken by life’s inevitable storms. All this is strange to me becuase a human being is mind, body and soul. Soul work has to be the most important surely because all our motivations, behavious, hopes and identify flow from our north star. Our soul.

But here’s the thing—this isn’t just a personal issue. It reflects a wider cultural shift in the UK towards a “crisis-driven” spirituality. The challenge for us, then, is learning how to flip the script—how to move from reacting to life’s storms to actively seeking depth and meaning, even when the waters are calm.

Authentic spirituality: Grounded in Community, Rooted in Proactivity

The key lies in grounding ourselves within a community. Authentic faith is not cultivated in isolation. It grows when we engage with others who hold us accountable, challenge us to go deeper, and provide a space where we can be both vulnerable and supported. In the context of liquid modernity, where everything is fluid and fleeting, community provides the stability we need to anchor our spiritual lives.

I’m loving the story of the daughters of Zelophehad (Numbers 27:1-11). These five sisters—Mahlah, Noah, Hoglah, Milcah, and Tirzah—lived in a time when women had no right to inherit property. Yet when their father died, leaving no male heirs, they took the courageous step of approaching Moses to request their father’s inheritance. They weren’t just concerned with their own welfare; they were fighting for justice within their community, seeking to preserve their family’s place within Israel.

What’s remarkable is that God not only approved of their boldness, but through their action, He changed the inheritance laws for all of Israel. We’re talking here about hundreds of thousands of households. These women didn’t wait passively for someone else to act. They proactively sought justice, and their faith was made more authentic through their engagement with their community’s future.

And this is where we find the heart of proactive, authentic faith—it’s lived out in community, rooted in relationships that challenge and sustain us. The daughters of Zelophehad weren’t just concerned with their own spiritual journey; they took responsibility for their entire community, ensuring that future generations would benefit from their proactive stance. Their story reminds us that authentic faith requires us to step beyond individualism and consider how our actions impact the greater whole.

When we live disconnected from others, it’s easy for faith to become reactive, something we turn to only when we feel lost or overwhelmed. But when we commit to a community, we are drawn into regular rhythms of worship, prayer, and reflection—practices that help us develop a proactive faith. Community encourages us to move beyond the spiritual consumerism of liquid modernity, where we pick and choose what feels good in the moment, and into something more grounded.