Three reasons you can’t trust yourself when it comes to the spiritual life

If you, like me, consider yourself to be spiritual but not religious, you’re probably on a quest for the fullest, most meaningful life possible—a life that engages your mind, nourishes your body, and feeds your soul. But here’s the tricky part: when it comes to navigating our inner journeys, it’s easy to assume that we’re in total control, that we get to call the shots. We often think that our intuition, our gut feelings, and our personal experiences are infallible guides to spiritual truth.

But I don’t think that’s always the case. What if our spiritual compasses are sometimes off? What if they lead us astray rather than closer to the truth? The reality is, as humans, we’re not always the best judges of spiritual matters. Our minds are intense and powerful, but they’re also prone to making mistakes—especially when it comes to interpreting the deeper, more mysterious aspects of life. 

We Are Meaning-Making Machines

All human beings are hardwired to make meaning from almost anything. We can look at a coincidence during the day and convince ourselves to make an important decision about a job. We can see patterns in random events and string them together in a way that suits our next move. We’re hardwired to seek out patterns and assign meaning to them.

Mark Manson has a great illustration of this in his book. He says: “Try this: take a random person and put them in a room with some buttons to push. Then tell them that if they do something specific—some undefined something that they have to figure out—a light will flash on, indicating that they’ve won a point. Then tell them how many points they can win within a 30-minute period.

When psychologists have done this, what happens is what you might expect. People sit down and start mashing buttons until eventually the light comes on to tell them they got a point. Logically, they then try repeating whatever they were doing to get more points. Except now the light’s not coming on. So they start experimenting with more complicated sequences—press this button three times, then this button once, then wait five seconds—and ding, another point.

But eventually theat stops working. Perhaps it doesn’t have to do with buttons at all, they think. Perhaps it has to do with how I’m sitting. Or what I’m touching. Maybe it has to do with my feet. Ding! Another point….

But here’s the funny part: the points really are random. There’s no sequence, there’s no pattern. Just a light that keeps coming on with a ding, and people doing cartwheels, thinking that what they’re doing is giving them points. Sadism aside, the point of the experiment is to show how quickly the human mind is capable of coming up with and believing in a bunch of rubbish that isn’t real. And it turns out, we’re all really good at it.”

This ability has been crucial for our survival for a long time. Finding meaning in the rustle of leaves or the stars in the sky helped us to navigate the world as early humans, or alert us to danger. However, this same ability can become a double-edged sword when it comes to spirituality. If we interpret random events, thoughts, or feelings as divine signs or spiritual truths, it can be a powerful experience, but it can also be misleading, causing us to place significance on things that don’t warrant it.

If we overextend meaning-making, we risk seeing connections and significance where none exist. Nobody wants to misinterpret everyday occurrences as spiritual signs or messages. We don’t want to look foolish, and we don’t want to skew our understanding of reality.

The other tricky thing is that this over-interpretation might morph into superstition, where we start to believe that certain objects or actions have inherent spiritual power or meaning. This can create a reliance on rituals or symbols that may distract from deeper, more substantial spiritual practices.

Confirmation Bias

Another small internal issue that we have is what’s called confirmation bias. This is when we try to search for, interpret, and remember information in a way that confirms what we already believe, while ignoring or discounting any evidence to the contrary.

In 1917, three young shepherd children in Fatima, Portugal, reported that the Virgin Mary appeared to them multiple times. They claimed that on October 13th, a miracle would occur. Tens of thousands of people gathered to witness the event. On the day of the predicted miracle, many people in the crowd said that the sun danced in the sky, changed colours, and even plunged towards the earth before returning to its normal place. This event is now known as the Miracle of the Sun, and it’s considered a divine sign by many devout Catholics.

Those who believed in the children’s prophecy were more likely to interpret any unusual solar activity as a miraculous event. There are different reports, with some saying nothing at all happened, which would suggest that those who were expecting a miracle were ready to see one. The event has been used to reinforce the Catholic faith for many believers. Even though scientists have explained away the phenomenon as an illusion caused by staring too hard at the sun, some devout followers often dismiss these explanations and choose to see it as a divine miracle.

So, here’s the problem: when a spiritual seeker only pays attention to experiences or teachings that confirm their existing beliefs, they miss opportunities to grow and transform. This stagnation can prevent them from exploring deeper or more challenging aspects of spirituality that may lead to a wiser, more profound life. Even within my own faith tradition, there are some who prefer not to explore wider ideas from different streams even within Christianity.

In fact, a large chunk of the Gospels shows Jesus confronting confirmation bias in different ways. In Jesus’ day, the Pharisees were deeply entrenched in the belief that strict adherence to the Law was the path to righteousness. So, in Matthew 23:23-24, for example, Jesus confronts them and says: “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill, and cumin—but you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy, and faithfulness. You should have practised the latter without neglecting the former. You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.”

What’s happening here is Jesus exposing the Pharisees’ confirmation bias by pointing out their obsession with minor legalistic details while ignoring the more significant aspects of God’s law. They were so focused on their interpretation of righteousness that they missed the heart of God’s message. Confirmation bias exists in everyone regardless of what we believe and it acts as a great set of blinkers on the mind and the Soul. 

Memory

I’m not sure I trust my own memory. Do you?

When I was a teenager, I loved to skateboard. One evening, just before my church youth group, I was trying for the first time to boardslide a handrail next to Asda in Southampton city centre. I tried a heap of times with no success. Then, eventually, I really went for it—the board slid out, and I ended up folded like a pita bread on the rail. It was a mess. I was in so much pain that my friends took me across the road to the youth group. My youth leaders asked me what was wrong before getting me into a car and taking me to A&E. When I was assessed, it was found that I had internal bleeding—not too severe, but enough to warrant some pills.

The strange thing is, I’m not sure if I invented some of the pain. I mean, it definitely would have hurt, but now, some 20 years later, I’m just not sure how much. Did I keep the drama going after my friends helped me off the rail just so I could get some attention? Did I want some kind of medal of valour for giving the rail a go, even if I couldn’t actually do it? Did I even need to go to hospital? I’m not actually sure…

In the spiritual life, memory plays a crucial part in shaping our beliefs and experiences. We stand on our recollection of past events, insights, and teachings to guide us on our way forward. But memory isn’t a CCTV camera where we can ask for the footage to be given back to us when we need it. Memory is a reconstructive process, meaning that every time we recall an event, we are essentially rebuilding it in our minds. It’s pretty common for people to recall powerful spiritual experiences from years ago, but for the actual events to have changed, become embellished, merged with other memories, or even been influenced by current emotions and beliefs. Our minds are full of shifting sands, so standing on individual memory alone is difficult. Memories that are tied to strong emotions are often remembered more vividly, but this vividness isn’t the same thing as accuracy. The memories of childhood, difficulty, or happiness that we cling to might be more vibrant and filled with colour, but that doesn’t make them more true. Worse still, it’s easier to forget memories that lacked emotional impact for us.

Our minds are also capable of creating memories of events that never even happened. This might be through suggestion, repeated storytelling, or even our dreams. False memories can lead us on a spiritual journey built on experiences that never even happened. We have to proceed with caution. I don’t think our minds are out to get us, but if we want to call ourselves true spiritual seekers, then we should be mindful that our memory, while powerful, is far from infallible. We should also know that an individual memory is not as powerful as a collective one—that is, a memory shared by other people. Shared memory is powerful because it helps to establish and maintain traditions, convey values that belong to more than just you, and foster a sense of belonging in a community. In other words, remembering stuff you intend to stand on is best shared with other people.

So What?

Understanding this stuff is crucial because it shapes our spiritual journey in different ways. When we recognise our tendency to find meaning where there might be none, we become more discerning in our interpretations. When we acknowledge the power of confirmation bias, we open ourselves up to new perspectives, allowing our spirituality to become deeper and richer. And when we accept that our memory is not infallible, we approach our spiritual experiences with humility, knowing that our understanding is always evolving—and that it’s best done in community.

So, what if we sometimes get it wrong? That’s okay. Spirituality isn’t about perfection; it’s about connection—connection to the Divine, the world around us, each other, and ourselves. It’s about finding meaning in the messiness of life and embracing the beauty of the search. Don’t be confident about getting it all right—you won’t, whatever you believe. What’s exciting is opening your heart to seeing God in unexpected places.

Spirituality might be about letting go of our need for certainty, and even the need to trust ourselves fully. Instead, it invites us to trust the journey, to embrace the questions and uncertainties, and to find peace in the process. So, let’s walk this journey together—with humility, curiosity, and a deep sense of awe for the sacredness of the path we’re on.